the life of a deviant mind

darkthoughts

it's already easter sunday but i haven't been to the church since... i don't remember. i know i should but i haven't felt religious the past few months. i know, it isn't supposed to be just a 'feeling'. it's supposed to be your duty to thank the person up there. there shouldn't be an excuse. i don't have one. so, let's not talk about it.

peejee, one of the few friends i have, had already said her marriage vows in front of a judge recently. lizzie, another friend, went to the states last year and got married there. good for them. in a woman's life, we are already at the marrying age anyway.

however, when i think about marriage in my life, it's somewhat like an unreachable dream. it's not like an alien situation or a strange event for me since my mom is a wedding coordinator. i've been to a lot of weddings, i've tried a lot of bridal gowns, i've read a lot of vows, and i've eaten wedding cakes of different flavors. it's just that 'marriage' is something that's so near yet so far in my life. so near because it has always been a part of my life. so far because it's never me at the altar. perhaps, the husband-to-be is still missing. hahaha!

you might smell desperation. maybe i am? or maybe it's just a tinge of wonder that people normally have. but then again, maybe i'm just envious.

MARINE FORCE RECON

These are some of the guys I play (play or shoot?) with every Saturday.

UWAH!

darkthoughts

i was supposed to render an hour of pre-shift overtime today but i was too lazy again to get up from my bed. so the 1 hour OT decreased to 30 minutes OT.

my life has been boring again these past few weeks. from work, i go home. i, then, either watch a movie with a dvd i bought from guadalupe, or read a mushy tagalog novel. sounds like a routine of a spinster huh? maybe that's the road that i'm involuntarily taking. being a spinster. and that could be a very surprising route in the eyes of my friends and people who know me. my college friends even expected me to be the first one who will get married in our circle. shockingly, two of my friends got married (of course, before I do). one of them even said that she won't get married and she would just have herself impregnated. but that was, of course, when we were a lot younger.

perhaps, i am still young. hehehe... i would want to enjoy movies, 'baduy' novels and being alone. maybe it's more fun to be bored alone that to be bored with someone.

darkthoughts

but if i'd  be planning for my wedding, how would it be?

maybe the first thing that i'd do is think of how our wedding should be. i want it simple, but fun. i would want that all the people who are important to me and my husband-to-be will be there, since i believe that the marriage is for the couple, but the wedding is a celebration for all people that matter your lives (not the city mayor that you don't know or the congressman whom you only have seen on TV). i haven't really decided in what time of the day it would take place. well, most probably at 4pm since i would want the guests to dance the night away after the reception. the church should be brightly lit and decorated with many flowers of different colors, pastel colors preferably. we would have 2 cute flower girls dressed in very short Tinkerbell-like dresses with wings on their backs.

that's it for now. updates later.

darkthoughts

to continue with my flower girls... they would be in pink tights and pink ballet shoes. on their heads would be a ring of fresh flower arrangement. instead of baskets in their hands, they'd use a bag made of see-through cloth, which then will be fileld with petals of different colors. while marching towards the altar, they would blow bubbles.

there would only be 2 bridesmaids. their hair of big curls would hang free and decorated with small white flowers. they would wear asymmetrical flowing dresses. a long-stemmed white rose would be in their hand.  

darkthoughts

every payday, i usually ready a list of things that i need to buy. i don't know if it's a hopeless attempt to be organized. if you're have read some of my entries, you probably know that i am never an organized person. the list almost always isn't followed though. maybe it's just my way of convincing myself that i am safe. oh well, whatever the reason is, here's my list for this payday:

- rubber shoes for kishni
- motorcycle helmet for kishni
- clothes for kishni
- box (to send kishni's things to cebu)
- cabinet/a big plastic box for my clothes
- shoes for work
- pants for work
- blouse for work
- dishwashing liquid
- sponge
- Ariel detergent
- shampoo
- conditioner
- razor
- Nivea deo spray
- Lucky Me supreme (no cook)
- Pond's facial wash
- alcohol
- sanitary napkin
- eyebrow shaver
- blouses for Aika and Louise